demented_knight

The world has once again won out with awesome things. I am about to show you one of the funniest things you've probably seen in a while.

So, anyone that's actually been following my journal has likely heard me bitch about my mom and mention her recent divorce with my stepfather and how she never gets over it (she HAS gotten a lot better though).

So when I got home from work today, she asked if I'd gotten the mail earlier and I told her no. So she went outside for it and found a rather large box addressed to her from amazon.com. Naturally she's confused, as she didn't order anything from them, and I can hear her muttering about it down the hall while I'm dropping stuf and getting ready to take a shower. Then I hear her start laughing, in that 'oh my god, no way, HAHAHA' kind of way. Continuously. So as I go down the hall I say 'Do I even want to know what you're laughing at?' and she quickly calls me over.

So I do. And she's holding a box.

That's not particularly out of place, so I read the top. It says it's a 5-piece set of kitchen knives. Now I'm thinking, 'What's so funny about that? You just bought a new set of kitchen knives recently. I suppose in that case I could see how it would be funny in the ironic way, but not the way you're--'

Then she turns the box around so I can see the cover.

I promptly collapse in a fit of giggles.

This, people, was what was in the box.







It's called 'The Ex', and my mother's friend bought it for her as a laugh over her breakup with my stepdad. And oh my god, is it just...fucking hysterical. I could hardly stop laughing long enough to put it together. The stuff you can find these days is fucking amazing. Oh, and I also found some pictures I meant to put up a while back, but forgot about.

This was from my mom's birthday a few weeks back. I made her a cake, but when I went to frost it, I realized the tube was too big to write "Happy Birthday Mom" with, so I abbreviated it. Yay, lazy cakes. Good thing I'm not a baker.



This was our awesome 'all you can eat' pizza dinner. Honestly just looking at it is making me hungry. Dammit.



And lastly we have my sister, posing as our Christmas tree. My mom had gone to get it when we took this, but she doesn't make a bad replacement. Aside from being too short, of course.

Oh, yesterday was FUN. To start things off...

My TV blew up.

No, really.

My mom and I are sitting together on the couch watching Star Trek, and it's just getting to one of the good bits when suddenly there's this loud noise, like the snapping of a giant rubber band, and the screen goes black.

Scared the shit out of us.

There was no smoke or sparks or anything. But we were still afraid to go near it.

And then my best friend came over! I was so happy, I haven't seen her in forEVER. She came with us down to Lincoln to go see a play with my sister. It was called 'The Santa Diaries' and it was abso-fucking-lutely hilarious. Though it made me remember, for whatever reason, when I saw 'As You Like It' down there a year or so ago. I wish so bad I'd recorded that, because it was great.

She looks really good, though she apparently lives with a genius crazy. The worst kind.

I hope I get to see her again soon.

Then today was the usual work. It pissed me off when I left because my car was iced over from freezing rain! It couldn't have fucking waited another 20 minutes till after I got home!?

Of course not. That's silly.

Fucking weather. Trying to kill me.

YAY! Someone finally put our DOGS skit on Youtube!

Though it's pretty pixel-y, but that's okay! Because it was so much fun watching it from the outside, and watching our prop hit the floor when I slashed him.



Oh god, so much fun. I want to do this skit again, but with better recording. Maybe I can get 'Heine' to work with me on this.

Watch it if you want!

Well, it's snowing like a banshee outside.

6 to 12 inches they said. Looking out my window I'd say...12.

My dog feels so at home out there. Dumb animal.

And of course, the light bulb in my desk lamp burnt out, so now I can't draw, can't hardly see under here, god dammit. And I apparently hadn't bought another back up bulb (or at least, can't find it), nor can I go out to buy another one.

This seems like a good time to mention the 'damn it' point again.

On the bright side, I finally forced my mother to watch 'The Five People You Meet in Heaven' today, and she cried like a baby the whole 2 hours through. Personally it always makes me smile. I also finished an icon, and scanned this!



It's not the complete version of course, it's missing a bunch of hands and blood, but that's okay. Introducing Alice the Second (again), properly this time. No, he is not the Mad Hatter, but he did murder him and steal his hat. After being murdered himself. Revenge, you know.

His part goes like this:

Alice the Second was a woeful man of song
He fell into Wonderland from promises of change
With its twisted power he brought forth that which he longed
Heedless that his melodies drove all those there deranged

As his dreamland slowly became more and more depraved
He was murdered by the madman beckoned by his thrall
And though he knew through vengeance he could no longer be saved
He succumbed to a rampage and then devoured them all

Eh heh, yeeeahhh...

I have a tad too much fun with psychotic characters.

But you know what, that's okay. That's just how I like it.

Well, today was our employee Christmas party, and we got to close the store an hour early. It also seems that in celebration of this, it decided to snow.

It wasn't bad. Lots of flakes, but it didn't stick.

Until we were about to close the store. Then it started snowing the good kind to make snowmen. Which is bad.

I almost ran off the road doing 15 after turning a corner. I HATE driving in snow. My car handles like SHIT.

The party wasn't bad though. I sat at a table by myself, but apparently I'm a people magnet, because my coworkers started flocking to me once they saw where I was. Then eventually I got 'kicked' out of my original table (got up and took a seat at the one next to it to talk to someone, and then someone took my original place). Then, again, people started coming to me. But it made for good conversation.

Now, they'd originally had tickets (I didn't get one) that were to be used for the prize drawing later on (I won some car magnets last year after I'd left that were given to me later), and I wasn't particularly interested in prizes. Since I had no ticket and didn't enter my name, I wasn't paying any attention to the drawings. Then suddenly people all around start calling me and I'm like "What? What the hell do you want?"

They'd called me.

And I'm sitting there going, "What the fuck, I didn't enter my name, they shouldn't be able to get me this year." Well, I get up and someone tells me to hurry, to which my managers respond, "Not like you do at work!"

I know the dig was in good fun, but it kind of pissed me off anyway, as they tend to call me when I'm outside or doing escorts, so obviously I can't hear it. Then they also usually wait 30 seconds between calls before trying again, and I'm on the other side of the store, DOING SOMETHING, so I'm thinking, fucking CHILL, I'm coming.

They also like to call me somewhere, and when I get there, they've moved somewhere else and are calling me AGAIN.

Anyway.

I won a gift card. For ten bucks. Woot, free lunch tomorrow!

Actually, out of 7 people at my table, myself included, 5 of us won. The ones who didn't, ironically, were the ones who wanted to.

They tried to get me to sing, too, when I came up for my prize. My answer was "NO."

All in all, a fun party. I freaked out some of my coworkers who've only ever seen me in my work shirt and jeans with the nice shirt I changed into. Yes, everyone, I am in fact a woman, now sit the fuck down before I beat you with my cutlery (that was confiscated early in the evening by my table mates for fear that I'd hurt someone).

Ah, good times.